Second night in a row - I wake up about 130 - 200 am and my mind revolves obsessively about things I can do nothing about until I get up. The doc gave me a scrip for Ambien when 'this' all started - and Ive gotta say, it makes a difference. Things that I can deal with all day are great; that is until its 2am and to avoid thinking of the big C your mind wakes and thinks about things that you have no power over (but are much less stressful than the Cword) u)
Obviously I need to go pick up my refill. !mental note!
I haven't been 'around here' much lately-I commented to the huz that Im just tired of talking about cancer. So, here's the latest. My followup at the Rex Cancer Center came to these recommendations : Re-excision to clean up the dirty margins left by the first surgeon (which would also mean reconstruction) Six and a half weeks of radiation, Monday thru Friday not including 2 hours travel time each day. AND tamoxifen for 5 years.
What I at the young breast cancer age of 38 have chosen, is to have a bilateral mastectomy (and hopefully) immediate reconstruction. There's a procedure called the DIEP flap. Mine. Why not end up with basicly a mommy makeover in the process?
I am adamant about not wanting to take tamoxifen knowing my past history and more than likely tamoxifen would probably cause other symptoms for me personally that they dont list on the package. . Like emotional withdrawal, alienation from the ones you love, not to mention motion sickness from the mood swings. Geez.
Other than tamoxifen, I'm considering the fact that BC in 'younger' women tends to recur more often and when it carries a lower survival rate. Rads and tamox don't guarantee me anything except my odds of getting BC after 5 years become the same as a 'normal' woman. I smirk at the word normal.
Oh, not to mention-I aint too excited at the thought 10 hours travel time a week, plus a full time job AND still be of some use at home to my family.
So, have the surgery-approx 3 weeks recovery - and Im done. THIS is logical to me. SO what happens now? Well, Duke U is the only hospital who offers Mx with immediate reconstruction so I have to navigate their system now.
I have filled out their preliminary forms so that they can obtain my medical records and resources to help me make a final decision. Ill have to make at least a couple of trips up there. Its a big surgery, considered microsurgery and takes 8 hours to complete. It is highly suggested that any serious dental work be taken care of beforehand- this helps avoid post surgical infection etc, so Ive also started seeing a dentist. YuK. I need a lot of things done, and the oncologist told me not to put off the boob surgery any later than mid January.
So, at 2am - instead of thinking of words like MASTECTOMY! DENTIST! APPOINTMENTS! My mind chooses PEANUT BUTTER! FOLD THE CLOTHES! STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURES AT WORK! and my personal trivial favorite : WHO SAID WHAT AND DID I UPSET THEM? Its kind of silly really- but funny what your mind will do to try and 'help'.
So here I sit, hammering it out on my neglected website - hoping this will somehow lead me to sleeping for the next 2 1/2 hours before Ive got to get up.
Obviously I need to go pick up my refill. !mental note!
I haven't been 'around here' much lately-I commented to the huz that Im just tired of talking about cancer. So, here's the latest. My followup at the Rex Cancer Center came to these recommendations : Re-excision to clean up the dirty margins left by the first surgeon (which would also mean reconstruction) Six and a half weeks of radiation, Monday thru Friday not including 2 hours travel time each day. AND tamoxifen for 5 years.
What I at the young breast cancer age of 38 have chosen, is to have a bilateral mastectomy (and hopefully) immediate reconstruction. There's a procedure called the DIEP flap. Mine. Why not end up with basicly a mommy makeover in the process?
I am adamant about not wanting to take tamoxifen knowing my past history and more than likely tamoxifen would probably cause other symptoms for me personally that they dont list on the package. . Like emotional withdrawal, alienation from the ones you love, not to mention motion sickness from the mood swings. Geez.
Other than tamoxifen, I'm considering the fact that BC in 'younger' women tends to recur more often and when it carries a lower survival rate. Rads and tamox don't guarantee me anything except my odds of getting BC after 5 years become the same as a 'normal' woman. I smirk at the word normal.
Oh, not to mention-I aint too excited at the thought 10 hours travel time a week, plus a full time job AND still be of some use at home to my family.
So, have the surgery-approx 3 weeks recovery - and Im done. THIS is logical to me. SO what happens now? Well, Duke U is the only hospital who offers Mx with immediate reconstruction so I have to navigate their system now.
I have filled out their preliminary forms so that they can obtain my medical records and resources to help me make a final decision. Ill have to make at least a couple of trips up there. Its a big surgery, considered microsurgery and takes 8 hours to complete. It is highly suggested that any serious dental work be taken care of beforehand- this helps avoid post surgical infection etc, so Ive also started seeing a dentist. YuK. I need a lot of things done, and the oncologist told me not to put off the boob surgery any later than mid January.
So, at 2am - instead of thinking of words like MASTECTOMY! DENTIST! APPOINTMENTS! My mind chooses PEANUT BUTTER! FOLD THE CLOTHES! STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURES AT WORK! and my personal trivial favorite : WHO SAID WHAT AND DID I UPSET THEM? Its kind of silly really- but funny what your mind will do to try and 'help'.
So here I sit, hammering it out on my neglected website - hoping this will somehow lead me to sleeping for the next 2 1/2 hours before Ive got to get up.
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