You might remember that my initial surgeon said he would refer me to a Breast Specialist in Greenville-how long ago was that? I called his office once to check on the referral...no help-my huz called once still no answer..just a lot of what Ive come to expect within the local medical field in Jacksonville-evasive, vague crap. I gave up on getting that referral and someone told me the name of a doctor at UNC-made my OWN appointment (which is highly irregular) They asked who was referring me, I said "MYSELF" lol And from a previous post that appointment went well.

Yesterday I get a phone call., it seems that on the 22nd of October they called ECU and made me an appointment for Wednesday the 28th. Whats the problem with that? Other than it took them 2 weeks to make an appointment - they never bothered to return my calls and tell me i had an appointment-!

The only reason I knew I had an appointment and missed it because ECU followed u\p to see if I was coming in. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ECU people, very nice. However ECU now has my path slides...my actual dr at UNC requested these path slides on the 22nd when I was at UNC. Im wondering if its no small coincidence that Gallaghers office made my appointment at ECU finally after getting a notice from UNC. Hopefully this is just coincidence. Cause I'd be seriously pissed. More than I already am.

Now I have to beg Gallaghers office to release the slides to UNC via ECU and HOPE for it to be done in a timely manner BEFORE my appointment at UNC on the 13th....Im beginning to hate this town all together.

Total relief-I was starting to worry that I put too much hope into going to UNC for a second opinion...as it turns out I was totally on point for once...woohoo! I met my oncologist, Dr. Z-who listened to me-and then we had an intelligent TWO WAY conversation. Phew!
I was beginning to think that I had no options and basicly felt like I was being forced into a specific treatment...If you read my earlier posts, my first onco basicly gave me a scrip and sent me to rad onco ..Today these things were decided-
1.Full boob MRI (my ultrasound said it was unclear on whether or not my good boob was clear of cancerous stuff, because it's too dense)...and I thought I didnt have anything in common with stoopid people...bah!
2.Having my tumor thats currently housed at the lab in Onslow Countys sent to UNC's path lab for re-testing..(this is to determine correct diagnosis as well as to determine if it is "pure DCIS"
3.Im currently waiting for BRCA results-the BRCA gene mutation (if I have it) makes the possiblity of recurrence or getting invasive breast cancer  jump by a huge percentage-so in effect, if I have the BRCA mutation, NO-I will not be an Xmen woman....that is unless you consider perky foobs to be a super power...and with the huge droopy old boobs that I currently have, I myself would consider perky boobs a super power...maybe its just me.

So around Nov. 11-13th I go back to UNC on a thursday-ish, get MRI, spend the night in a hotel (preferably one with a pool) next day get up go back to talk to radiation oncologist, wait for Dr. Z to take all my stuff to his "tumor board" where an entire team discusses what the best options for me are-then I see Dr. Z and he tells me what I can do and what will be the best results...
Yes. More waiting. Im almost used to it..LoL

Saw a Radiation Oncologist in New Bern - I really liked him (maybe it was because he complimented me on my intelligent questions LoL..They dont do any of the accelerated type of rads treatments, but having had previous experience at a bigger hospital- he seems to think I might be a worthy candidate and he didnt seem to be bothered in the least in my need to seek out further options.
If I go with the New Bern thing, its 33 visits over 6 1/2 weeks, 2 hours on the road a day, Monday through Friday.
Im putting a lot into the Thursday appointment at the UNC-Rex Cancer Center, probably too much, which only leads to further disappointment if I have no other options..all

Sorry, but its gonna be one of those posts...After all the cancer jokes and the lighthearted approach to my 'lucky' diagnosis Im feeling the other side of things today... Im aggravated at trying to keep up with all the work schedule changes, annoyed by my inability to be as easily organized as I try to appear and tired. Exhausted by not having the ability to take a couple of days to just R E L A X.
Every day that I have off, its spent doing legwork for this stupid diagnosis. To top it off the oncologist says "its not really cancer" so then WHY do I have to take Tamoxifen for five years? Why do I have to worry about blood clots, menopause and  serious mood swings while on the stuff... to prevent my chances at recurrence of something that ISNT EFFIN CANCER?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Radiation is at closest, one hour away from where I live. So I have to (apparently) go take a 2 hour day travel time to some other town five days a week. I DONT WANNA!
At this point, I'd prefer a mastectomy followed by (of course) reconstructive surgery because it seems that my chances of recurrence would be about the same as taking tamox-MINUS the mental midget side effects Id otherwise have from taking an estrogen blocking drug.
Im not asking why me.  Im asking why its a pain in the ass to get treated with ease around here. Why is there no support system for women like me locally in a county that houses over 170 thousand people?? Why is it Jacksonville that boasts to super size Walmarts cant afford to build a cancer center? Hell Id settle for a local GD phone number of someone who put me in contact with the right resouces...
Okay. Im done. for now. Thanks;.

I went to the appointment with the Oncologist today-Not much more to say other than Im supposed to take Tamoxifen for 5 years (note to self: check on side effects vs long term benefits) Radiation although he wouldnt give me a timeframe for how long Ill have to go-He did say that I would have to go five days a week for awhile. The big negative on this is that no one does radiation locally-so I have to drive a minimum of an hour away, five days a week.
While I completely intended not to change my regular daily life-this now seems to be an impossible aspiration.  Becoming overwhelmed seems to be looming over me - I think I have 4 appointments over the next 2 weeks, not including rads treatments.  I also had to sign a release upon receiving my tamoxifen perscription that said something about how some insurances only cover up to $350 - and if they dont cover it, the scrip costs around THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS.
I'm sure Tricare covers it, at least in part- I have to make a phone call tomorrow to the tricare pharmacy and see if they carry it on base...if so then I don't have to worry about cost at all...which would be nice.
I have committed to Google Calendar to help me keep track of work schedule, doctors appointments as well as reminders to do things that need to be done within a certain frame-not to mention extra curricular activities for the rest of us.
I guess what I'm wanting right now is a couple of days to take a breather-to do nothing other than lay around and relax-no appointments no work..that would be...refreshing..

I've spent a lot of time on the Discussion Boards at Breastcancer.org and there is amazing group of smart well informed women on there..There are several discussion groups-even groups for friends or family of people diagnosed with breast cancer - there is a group for women specifically diagnosed with DCIS which I have found my 'home' on. Going there keeps me grounded and it also keeps me from filling my poor huz's ears with what Ive learned about cancer all the time..I suspect he doesnt want everything that comes out of my mouth to be about this stupid cancer-so I go there...and learn...and vent.
Check it out! Tonight when I get home, there'll be a long blog about breaking the news to my friends, I think.

so its cancer- Ductal Carcinoma in-situ and I suppose, if youre gonna pick a cancer-well-I could do far worse. I had 3 appointments and audtioned an oncologist as well. HE says that I have to cut out chocolate, that I probably wont need radiation and definitely no chemo. But I will be on tamoxifen for five years.

Funny, considering I couldnt even take my vitamins 7 days in a row. I wonder how Ill fair with tamox for five years. Hmmm do they make 1 a day pill boxes that hold 5 years of pills so you know if youve missed any days???

This onco all says that "its not cancer". My feeling is that he is saying Guantanamo Bay doesnt really hold terrorists because technically they arent terrorizing anyone while being incarcerated. NOW if a few of them escape, then YES they are terrorists,... So while my non cancer is 'in-situ' its not really terrorizing me-now if it were invasive-then thered be a bunch of terrorists running amuck and creating havoc everywhere else..

Personally, I think his take is semantics. Its cancer. Im okay with this.

having become a late blooming lover of all things social media-ive told my friends that they will probably find out my diagnosis simultaneously with me as Twitter makes saying you do or dont have cancer easy in less than 140 characters. They would expect nothing less from me, and were the tables turned and the news were bad,..friends unfortunately would have to wait a LONG time to hear from me because after all-you can only say you have cancer over the phone to so many family members before you are done for the day..so catch me there tomorrow...appointment is at 1pm-

Am I nervous? Only a little- Im sure it'll be on my mind all afternoon and tonite Ill curl up with Mira on the couch, read where the wild things are (again) ask my hubby to pour me a few glasses of scuppernong wine and probably fall off asleep with him. Just think. Tomorrow night- I will know.

Radio didnt have a radio-it was an article in the Sunday paper that appeared here  Ive seen him for years and you cant imagine how just seeing him on the roadside can change a bad mood into a good one. He is one of the most sincere, driven people I've ever met. Some say he might be a missing a few marbles and my reply to these types of statements has always been "if I could meet everyday with a smile that genuine, Id be more than happy to willingly throw away a few of MY marbles!"

He has this infectious attitude and you can't help but realize that your day has somehow morphed from a regular everyday trudge to work and responsibility, problems, issues into one thought.ITS RADIO!!YAY!!!!

 I once said when defending him in a conversation-behind that guys radiant smile lies the secret to life. What's that secret? I was asked. My answer? Its different for us all-your lifes' happiness may not be the same as mine-BUT if I find my own personal secret key to happiness I guarantee my smile will be just as genuine as his...

Who knows, maybe the key to a genuine life is the ability to throw out some of the marbles and lose the pretense of life being serious..Hmmm. I kinda like that. GO RADIO!

With the emergence of Where the Wild Things Are as a movie-I find myself tearing up everytime the trailer comes on..maybe its because the commercial does such a good job at conveying the magical thing called "hope"-something that has always been the last string that I would cling to when nothing else was left to hold in dire times..

The book came out long after I was a kid-but I remember reading it with my 'grown up eyes' and something happens to this day every time I open the cover-a smile plays across my face and my eyes turn moist as I read "We'll eat you up we love you so!"

How simple the wish of a child to simply be loved and I know that this is why the tears come every single viewing...perhaps Im especially emotional because of lump and all that it can conjure in my ever estimating brain-the wild things, for me are that internal almost adrenaline fueled warrior strength that always kicks in when I think Im ready to tap out. The Wild Things insist that I howl and demand to be given what is necessary and the wild rumpus soothes my soul...and when I go 'home'-back to reality, dinner is always waiting, and its still hot.